Enabling a person is detrimental to his or her development

I took a job recently where I was under the impression I was going to be tutoring and working with a young lady who was home schooled for various reasons. She has been an amazing wake up call for me in regards to complete learned helplessness. She is 15 years old with no real life skills. her mother and father have waited on her hand and foot. She has been kicked out of private schools, placed in Emotionally Disturbed class rooms and placed in a padded room due to her temper and anger outbursts. She was in an online charter school and had an aid, she broke the aid’s nose because the lady tried to force her to do math work when she was laying on the computer. They have used the “she is non neuro typical” excuse so long it has been ingrained in the whole family’s mind that she is forever helpless. She is in every sense of the word a ‘spoiled rotten brat” She can easily cook a bowl of soup or make a toasted bagel but she demands I do it for her. She is far from helpless but she has been allowed to believe that everything must be done for her and this, I simply will not enable. If I lose the job, oh well. I have principals and I will not just heat up a bowl of mashed potatoes if her only reason is, “I don’t have to” You are my baby sitter, you are supposed to. Really? This is coming from a 15 year old young adult female. I asked her if she was a baby. she said no, So I asked her why, then did she needed a baby sitter. I told her I felt she needed a tutor. Some one to teach her. She told me she knew how to do it she just did not want to she wanted me to because I was here. She then called me a bitch and to F (fill in the four letter blank here) off. I guess that means I had a break through with her, my mother always said if your child is angry with you’ve done something right. I put my foot down and gave her a boundary and she was shocked and did not know how to accept that someone would not just do it for her. But I can not understand how a 15 year old young adult female get to this point of pure crippled learned-helplessness and being enabled! How can she go her life demanding someone heat up mashed potatoes in a microwave for her and expect a person to not tell her to do such a simple task her self?! What am I teaching her by not having her do that and doing it for her I am teaching her to never be self sufficient. That is a dangerous road to go down. If I was aid $50.00 an hour, then maybe I would oblige. but i would hope that if a parent were to pay me THAT much the parent would want me to actually help her child not continue enabling her. I have been job hoping for the last year, feeling unstable and frustrated with my life. I took this job over a full time job in the school district because this job offered a more promising outlook at first, the saying, ‘the grass is always greener on the other side certainly has clout here. I will find stability. I will find a job before June that offers me a fulfillment that I have not had in years. It us out there. I know it is.

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To Teach The Unteachable

Today I finally broke down and told the mother to the 15 year old girl I baby sit that I feel like I am wasting her money and my time. I was offered a position with a school district. the pay is a joke and the hours are sadly under my need but I would be “teaching” and potential to advance to a full time position. The young girl is wasting away with no education or hope for the future. She is so sheltered that she honestly does not comprehend the damage she is doing by resisting any form of formal education. I am not sure why her parents just flat out gave up on any form of education for this young lady. The statistics are dismal. Most children not getting educated live in dismal conditions in third word nations. according to a post in the magazine, The Guardian, dated, Monday 20 September 2010 ,http://www.theguardian.com/education/2010/sep/20/70m-get-no-education 70 million children go with our any formal education. For the girl I “baby sit” this is not something she should be involve din statistically. her parents have access to many alternative high schools and even home school networks but here I sit at her Kitchen and she is sleeping in her parents bed because no one monitors her at night and she has no accountability. This us ridiculous. Is it the easiest job I have ever had yes. Is the money good? Yes. Why am I bitching? Because I could actually be working and earning my money. I wish I could work with her. I wish I could get her excited about learning but she has no motivation, no desire, no accountability. I am baby sitting a 15 year old teenage girl who wants to be a 7 year old girl the rest of her life. Did she have a traumatic experience in school? Yes. She has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/odd/a/Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder-In-Teens-ODD.htm

Coupled with an autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis

http://www.livestrong.com/article/201957-what-are-signs-of-autism-in-teenagers/

Makes for a young lady with little hope of survival in the cruel concrete Jungle of modern civilization. It would be okay if she was being taught how to cook, how to clean, how to mend. She could maybe then run off to an Amish community. But she needs at least basic math, reading and writing skills at her age level. If she is mentally 9 years of age, fine, then let us teach her like a 9 year old child would be taught. but to let her sleep all day is detrimental to her future. I feel I am enabling her and by sitting here typing this blog post in lei of teaching her, am I taking advantage of the decent pay? I could do so many more things with my day. I could do Web cam for heavens sake and make a six figure income. But I sit here typing a blog because I am bored off my rocker while the girl sleeps and waste her life away. I want to understand this young lady. so I of course refer to books and Google things like, “Asperger teenage and girl, Autism Spectrum Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I find books like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Girls-Autism-Spectrum-Celebrating/dp/1849058938/ref=pd_sim_b_1#reader_1849058938

or This http://www.amazon.com/Aspergirls-Empowering-Females-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849058261/ref=pd_sim_b_2

but these authors put their children in schools and don’t “home” them. It is an alien concept for me. I hate not working with her. I hate wasting my hours. I can fill them with writing, studying, heck even doing web cam work. I can look for other jobs ( which, trust me, I do) I can even train her two lap dogs. That have a lot of potential to be something other then a living stuffed animal.

So I am back at square one, here. I want to keep this job and all its zero stress but I also want to be challenged. even if that challenge means lower pay for a while.

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To Teach The Unteachable

Today I finally broke down and told the mother to the 15 year old girl I baby sit that I feel like I am wasting her money and my time. I was offered a position with a school district. the pay is a joke and the hours are sadly under my need but I would be “teaching” and potential to advance to a full time position. The young girl is  wasting away with no education or hope for the future. She is so sheltered that she honestly does not comprehend the damage she is doing by resisting any form of formal education. I am not sure why her parents just flat out gave up on any form of education for this  young lady.  The statistics are dismal. Most children not getting educated live in dismal conditions in third word nations. according to a post in the magazine, The Guardian, dated, Monday 20 September 2010 ,http://www.theguardian.com/education/2010/sep/20/70m-get-no-education 70 million children go with our any formal education. For the girl I “baby sit” this is not something she should be involve din statistically.  her parents have access to many alternative high schools and even home school networks but here I sit at her Kitchen and she is sleeping in  her parents bed because no one monitors her at night and she has no accountability. This us ridiculous. Is it the easiest job I have ever had yes. Is the money good? Yes. Why am I bitching? Because I could actually be working and earning my money. I wish I could work with her. I wish I could get her excited about learning but she has no motivation, no desire, no accountability.  I am baby sitting a 15 year old teenage girl who wants to be a 7 year old girl the rest of her life. Did she have a traumatic experience in school?  Yes. She has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/odd/a/Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder-In-Teens-ODD.htm

 Coupled with an autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis

http://www.livestrong.com/article/201957-what-are-signs-of-autism-in-teenagers/

Makes for a young lady with little hope of survival in the cruel concrete Jungle of modern civilization. It would be okay if she was being taught how to cook, how to clean, how to mend. She could maybe then  run off to an Amish community. But she needs at least basic math, reading and writing skills at her age level. If she is mentally 9 years of age, fine, then let us teach her like a 9 year old child would be taught. but to let her sleep all day is detrimental to her future.  I feel I am enabling her and by sitting here typing this blog post in lei of teaching her, am I taking advantage of the decent pay? I could do so many more things with my day. I could do Web cam for heavens sake and make a six figure income. But I sit here typing a blog because I am bored off my rocker while the girl sleeps and waste her life away.  I want to understand this young lady. so I of course refer to books and Google things like, “Asperger teenage and girl, Autism Spectrum Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I find books like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Girls-Autism-Spectrum-Celebrating/dp/1849058938/ref=pd_sim_b_1#reader_1849058938

 or This http://www.amazon.com/Aspergirls-Empowering-Females-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849058261/ref=pd_sim_b_2

 but these authors put their children in schools and don’t “home” them. It is an alien concept for me. I hate not working with her. I hate wasting my hours. I can fill them with writing, studying, heck even doing web cam work. I can look for other jobs ( which, trust me, I do) I can even train her two lap dogs. That have a lot of potential to be something other then a living stuffed animal.

 So I am back at square one, here. I want to keep this job and all its zero stress but I also want to be challenged. even if that challenge means lower pay for a while. I have more or less accepted the  school job and if I do accept it I start  Next week but I also hate the idea of job hoping. I will just have to see how the meeting with the mother goes tonight. The most important issue here is the fact I want to see this young lady offered the same opportunity as her  peers. I want this young lady to realize sleeping all day is not a realistic life goal.

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Not an “expert” worshiper

Upon gaining a new job working with a teenage female with Asperger syndrome, I did what any inexperienced person would do when faced with a new career path. I Goggled the topic. I came across this very informative post: Aspergirl: Concerns regarding the DSM-V: I thought I should write about my concerns regarding the DSM-V revision.    I am not referring so much to the revision of the classification…as I am the revision in general.

 I am a mother to a 14 year old, Neuro-typical boy, who at times has major attitude problems. One time in our cultural history, he would have been considered a high strung, loud mouth, annoying kid. . . Nothing more. Now, in our 21st Century, United States, culture, he can be diagnosed with everything from ADHD (Attention Hyper Activity Disorder) to ODD( oppositional defiant Disorder) to BI-Polar Disorder and every thing in between.  What does this mean? It means that kids learn from an early age, that they have an excuse for and thus are not be blamed for their behaviors. The kid will anger a teacher or a parent, gets dragged off to a psychiatrist, is assigned a label, and gets some pills to “fix or alleviate” said label’s symptoms. Then the kid gets thrown back into the ring to fight another round with the wolves and lions of society’s mandated norms. No big deal> Right? Because,both parents and educators are content with the outcome. The above linked post mentions changes regarding the DSM-V (The newsiest version of the American Psychological Association’s Bible of mood and mental disorders). There are so many changes from  the older version; the DSM IV-TR. I find that it is scary our professional “experts” in the field of mental Health, take it as the “Bible” of their profession. I am not a religious person by nature and do not spout off Bible verses because, quite frankly, I do not know many. However,the original Bible has not changed in over 2000 years; except for updating the language to fit modern dialog, it is pretty  much the same in regards to text. So no wonder, so many people refer to it! I understand that the science of Psychology is  mostly a soft science and it is all or mainly all theory, I do not hold that against the field. However, because it is a soft science, and all or mainly all theory, I do not take it too seriously. I have my Undergraduate Degree in Psychology because it was the easiest degree to attain at Boise State University and I have a brain anomaly called Agensis of the corpus Callousm. This means I have a part of my central Nervous system missing since birth so Psychology promised all the answers.

My perspective  of the world of Psychology changed drastically when I had a son and he entered the education system. He was automatically targeted because he was  out spoken, articulate, very smart and very hard headed.  The story of my son’s early academic life  can be summed up as a frustrating era for all involved; teachers include. I, being the ever protective parent, and wanting to please the system at the same time, jumped through a lot of hoops. I had him tested for extended academic services; it was discovered he was in the “gifted and Talented” range… well, no duh! I had him psychologically evaluated, at age 7. It was theorized he had Asperger syndrome (now called Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD).Then another “expert” diagnosed him with ADHD. Still another , “expert”  diagnosed him with ODD. Not satisfied, and knowing very well he was not delayed with ASD in the least, I had him reevaluated at age 9 and mentioned words like “mood disorder” and “manic episodes” and suicidal threats ( he told his kindergarten teacher he wanted to kill himself one day when she did not allow his friend to play with him because he was odd. He was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.  I never medicated him as I suspect he may have an actual biochemical underlying problem called Poly Cystic Kidney Disorder and most if not all mood stabilizing medications on the market wreck havoc on the Kidneys with any long term use.  That, and what is the Bio-Chemical problem is the reason he acts the way he does what if it is not a brain chemical imbalance but a whole body imbalance?  It is all a moot point anyway, until Obama Care kicks in full swing, and I am assured he will not get turned away for a preexisting condition, I will not have him tested for Poly Cystic Kidneys. His Maternal grandmother, my sister,  two aunts, an uncle, two cousins, plus myself all have Poly Cystic Kidneys and we all have mood disorder issues. But, for the time being, my idea is pure theory and will remain as such because so few “experts” examine a bio-chemical imbalance of the whole body, it s always a brain chemical imbalance or a congenital birth defect– as in my case.

Many children and adolescents are diagnosed with disorders that may very well be accurate,  such as Conduct Disorder or  schizophrenia. But how many other young people are diagnosed with something else just to get a label, be given pills to be shoved down their throats and appease society as a whole?

A very wise, and now quite famous lady, Liza Long wrote a blog, http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html

 In her blog she opened up about her son’s mental illness and in the process,  pried open a long closed dungeon door, society had shut on mental health awareness.  Her goal is to advocate, educate and spread awareness, fading the stigma that comes with mental illness. I have conversed with her both in person and over a social network. We often have the same voice for mental illness and  yet, often we are on different wave lengths.  We are BOTH mother’s to teenage sons who have been; in the past,  misdiagnosed, mistreated, and  grossly misunderstood.  We both advocated for, defended and disciplined our beloved boys. We both, at times feared for our lives and feared for their safety and sanity. Her son has been in and out of the system ( both mental health and juvenile corrections) My son has been in the mental health system, and is just now entering the Juvenile correction system (on a Status offense of Curfew, of all things). Long admitted that one of the only ways she could get help for her son was through the Juvenile Correction System. In her situation, she needed it. What I fear, is that the system will once again, become over reaching on my son’s part and over or under diagnose a problem, and in the process, impede my son’s potential full psycho-social development. In short, I do not trust a system that constantly changes in order to placate and suite the norms of  an ever evolving society.   I do not want to medicate him and find out I damaged his internal organs by trying to fix his emotional behaviors with a pill. I do not want to give him a plethora of DSM-V diagnosis that will change in 20 years any way. I want him held accountable for his actions. I want him to learn to be accountable and I want him to learn to stand up for his rights but understand he has a responsibility to abide by societal rules and not be excused from them because of a mental health issue.  I want him to  act the part of the young man he has grown to become. I do not want to depend on a panel of 12 experts, sitting around a table, in a stuffy conference room, to decide my son’s fate with labels from a fluid piece of academic literature.

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About ACC

About ACC.

This is a little me and  little science generalization but welcome to my world.

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Infographic : The 7 Types of Millennials

Infographics King

What is a millennial?

If you are one of the 80 million people in the United States born between 1982 and 2000, welcome to the most diverse generation the country has ever seen.

The following infographic explores the 7 types of millennials you might identify with.

Which one are you?

Via :- mint.com

Infographic : The 7 Types of Millennials

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The Renaissance Thinker

I have been blogging off and on for a while. I stop and start again.  I will have this amazing topic that is well rounded and relevant to many.  Then I will side tracked and my life will take a new twist. I started blogging  back in 2009 when I decided to attempt to home-school my very unique , then 9 year old son.  I succeed to post two whole  before I was side tracked.  I was not dedicated to blogging I was  focused on home schooling him and desperately failing.    I have recently befriended a guy who is a fantastic stay at home dad who has become a regular blogger. He is a fellow wordpress blogger, even. 

http://brianonwriting.wordpress.com/

 I read his blogs loyally.  It got me to thinking,  What makes a person dedicated?  A group? A  cause?   A recipe? How does one keep up with blogging?

 I write. I make films, I care for the mentally ill. I am a mother to a teenage boy. I love to read. I love to discuss films and current events and the  sociology-ecological and economic impact those events have on society, so what do I blog? Who will read the blogs and who will care? I  got to thinking. I am a Renaissance woman.  A lady with much ability but  not enough  focus.

http://www.renaissance-spell.com/Renaissance-Women.htm

I have read a lot about the Renaissance Soul, a term coined to discuss a person who wants to do it all but can not find focus. A book by Margaret Lobenstein, MA, The Renaissance Soul,

http://www.amazon.com/The-Renaissance-Soul-Design-Passions/dp/0767920880

Sums up my life in 297 pages. I have decided in the next year to chose one passion and run with it or chose them all and be a human Wal-Mart. but with  much more enthusiastic greeter ability. 

 The truth is,  I am  the Queen Bee Renaissance Soul. I have held many a job ( mainly in the human service field such as working with the mentally ill, I loved the job hated the pay, and I have worked with individuals with intellectual delay. I have worked retail and restaurant. I even did a short non significant stint in the United States Army.( Medical discharge in Basic..I ,know embarrassing, right). The one passion I come back to time and time again, Writing! be it for film novel, blog, , even writing notes to my son’s teachers can give me writers high.  So the natural solution for me will be to write, right? Even my dearest friend from college  told me flat out and in a bold manner that I needed to stop chasing studious odd jobs and do what   I do best and write. So I am going to contact This Margaret Lobenstein, person and see if she can indeed help me get unstuck.

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