Enabling a person is detrimental to his or her development

I took a job recently where I was under the impression I was going to be tutoring and working with a young lady who was home schooled for various reasons. She has been an amazing wake up call for me in regards to complete learned helplessness. She is 15 years old with no real life skills. her mother and father have waited on her hand and foot. She has been kicked out of private schools, placed in Emotionally Disturbed class rooms and placed in a padded room due to her temper and anger outbursts. She was in an online charter school and had an aid, she broke the aid’s nose because the lady tried to force her to do math work when she was laying on the computer. They have used the “she is non neuro typical” excuse so long it has been ingrained in the whole family’s mind that she is forever helpless. She is in every sense of the word a ‘spoiled rotten brat” She can easily cook a bowl of soup or make a toasted bagel but she demands I do it for her. She is far from helpless but she has been allowed to believe that everything must be done for her and this, I simply will not enable. If I lose the job, oh well. I have principals and I will not just heat up a bowl of mashed potatoes if her only reason is, “I don’t have to” You are my baby sitter, you are supposed to. Really? This is coming from a 15 year old young adult female. I asked her if she was a baby. she said no, So I asked her why, then did she needed a baby sitter. I told her I felt she needed a tutor. Some one to teach her. She told me she knew how to do it she just did not want to she wanted me to because I was here. She then called me a bitch and to F (fill in the four letter blank here) off. I guess that means I had a break through with her, my mother always said if your child is angry with you’ve done something right. I put my foot down and gave her a boundary and she was shocked and did not know how to accept that someone would not just do it for her. But I can not understand how a 15 year old young adult female get to this point of pure crippled learned-helplessness and being enabled! How can she go her life demanding someone heat up mashed potatoes in a microwave for her and expect a person to not tell her to do such a simple task her self?! What am I teaching her by not having her do that and doing it for her I am teaching her to never be self sufficient. That is a dangerous road to go down. If I was aid $50.00 an hour, then maybe I would oblige. but i would hope that if a parent were to pay me THAT much the parent would want me to actually help her child not continue enabling her. I have been job hoping for the last year, feeling unstable and frustrated with my life. I took this job over a full time job in the school district because this job offered a more promising outlook at first, the saying, ‘the grass is always greener on the other side certainly has clout here. I will find stability. I will find a job before June that offers me a fulfillment that I have not had in years. It us out there. I know it is.


About Renaissance mom

I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, "missus", friend and foe. That sums up who I am. I am a writer, advocate, film maker, film fixer, lover of all things pretty, and accept all things odd and wonderful this explains what I am. I am here, there and everywhere in between. this sums up where I am. I live as I mean to go on. this sums up how I am. I am who I am this explains why I am.
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